The BeeHolder, October 2011

The members of the Little Mudpuddle and District BKA were all feeling somewhat frustrated - well, nearly all; Old Fred, who had kept bees in the area since there were bees, was being his usual taciturn self and grinning smugly at the unsuccessful efforts of his colleagues to get their smokers going in the stiff breeze. He couldn't help feeling sorry for Young Harry, though, who was trying pathetically hard to impress the pretty, young new member and failing miserably. After a while he gently led Yourig Harry aside and said quietly "Wot you needs young feller is a few drops of Bee Elixir. Works wonders, it does — specially if yer knows the Magic Words as goes wiv It. Gimme yer smoker and I'll show yer!" Obligingly, Young Harry handed over the reluctant smoker and watched as the old man took a small plastic bottle from his capacious pocket and, unscrewing the cap, sprinkled about five drops of a pale red liquid on the end of the smoke cartridge and chanted "S'ereh lesied won ekoms timmad!" Then, taking an old lighter from another pocket he flicked the wheel and grinned to see Young Harry's look of stupefaction as the cartridge burst into flame. A moment later it was eased into the smoker and going like Kenneth Clark. "That's amazing" said Young Harry "What do those magic words mean, Fred?"

"Nuffink really" grinned the old man "it was just 'Here's Diesel now smoke dammit!' only I said it backwards to impress yer and I fink it did. After a meaningful silence he added "P'raps you could try it on the young leddy young feller” Young Harry did - and it did! He also discovered that BBQ Lighting Fluid is equally good but Diesel is easier to obtain – and cheaper too. Old Fred was wise in more ways than one.

MORAL There's no fuel like an oiled fuel.

Dennis Cordwell

Please note that MBKA does not endorse the use of accelerants for lighting stubborn smokers.
Editor